A number of annual golf events carry a clever theme and they're a real gas. Here are some of my favorites.

The Four-Club Challenge
In post-war Tokyo golf clubs were so rare they were rationed, but this did not stop golfers from enjoying the game. Players in this tournament are limited to four golf clubs for each round, one of which must be a putter. Once you've played with only four clubs, you find out how superfluous all those other clubs really are!

The Bill Gabriel Over-80 Tourney
Founded in 1991 by old Billy Gabriel, a man who never swung a club before turning 60, this event is limited to octogenarians and older golfers. In this tounament, plenty of the players beat their age. Gabriel himself foresees a day when over-80 tournaments will be held throughout the nation. "Maybe a sponsor will appear," he said. "It would be a natural for Geritol."

The Australian Golf Relay Championship
Up to thirty-six golfers are positioned strategically around an entire 18-hole course. One ball is hit continuously around the links as fast as can be arranged, each player only being able to strike the ball once. The team with the lowest score *and* fastest time is the winner. I guess some folks need 35 extra players to give them a boost just so they can finish a round in less than four hours!

The Polo Golf Derby
Players in this Hempstead, Long Island game only leave their golf carts when they putt. The object is to decisively strike the ball with your club without slowing down. The twosome with the fastest time and fewest number of strokes is the winner. This tournament brings new meaning to the term good driver!

The Tom Smith Challenge
Mr. Tom Smith of Kansas City, Missouri -- don't ask me which one -- founded this annual event for all the Tom Smiths of the world. It turns out there are an awful lot of them. How can any Tom Smith decline to attend? The John Browns of Ottawa, Ontario, the Bill Millers of Detroit and the Bobby Joneses of Tennessee also have their own self-named outings. Maybe some day there'll be a golf tounament just for people with *your* name!

The Polar Bear Cup
Playing golf in the snow is not a new idea, but playing on ice floats and glaciers is. This Fort Yukon, Alaska annual has the makings of high adventure with every tee shot. A note of caution: officials will disqualify you if you say anything about playing with blue balls!

The Beer-Bottle Invitational
This world-wide phenomenon is seriously hazardous to your health but it's a blast! Each player must drink a 16-ounce beer before each tee-shot. The winner isn't the contestant with the best score, it's the last player still standing!

(Excerpted by permission from BIRDIES IN THE BOARDROOM: Golfing Your Way Up the Corporate Ladder by Joey West ($8 from JSA Publications; ISBN 0-929957-09-1). Available in most bookstores or by calling toll free 1-800-507-BOOK.

Short Putts

Faith:
"Golf is a game which requires an optimistic disposition."
- Jimmy Demeret

Even Green:
How can you tell if a golfer has spent too much time in the woods?
-She smells like she's wearing pinecone perfume.

Binged:
"Bob's got a great short game. Unfortunately it's off the tee and not on the green."
-Bing Crosby

Off Game?
If your typical round is 85 and you shot a 95, you've had what is called an "off game." Wouldn't this be equally true if you shot a 75?

Masochist:
An anal retentive golf course architect.